wrestling / Columns

411’s Instant Analysis 09.15.11: Impact Wrestling

September 15, 2011 | Posted by RC Sutton

Hi everyone, I am your new punching bag…whoops, I mean IMPACT reviewer. I’ve watched wrestling on and off for 20+ years. Let’s clear up any rumors before they get started: I don’t live in anyone’s basement. I’m married to a woman. I have a 9-5 and do this because of my love for it. Yes, I’m a fan of IMPACT wrestling and no that doesn’t mean I won’t call crap when I see crap. Enough about me, you don’t care anyway…On to the show!

SEGMENT ONE: Flair & Sting Promo

The intensity of both men was solid in the opening promo. There isn’t much to be excited about in 2 old men wanting to tear each other’s heads off, but it made the match feel important. The promo gave me hope for the match, and that’s all you can ask for here. It was short, sweet, and effective.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: 8 person tag Mexican America v Tara, Tessmacher, Devon & Pope
Match Result: Tara & Tessmacher pinned Rosita & Sarita simultaneously
Match Length: About 5 minutes

The whole 8 person tag felt disjointed. There really wasn’t any cohesion between the men and the women. It felt like they treated it as a man tag match and a women’s tag match seperately. There was only guys at the beginning of the match and ended with all women in the ring, with no in/out in between. However there wasn’t anything wrong with the in ring work. Nice enough tv tag match.

We also got Karen Jarrett being Karen Jarrett. I think her treating the knockouts like crap is going to get old fast. An evil boss is played out enough, but having to deal with Immortal on the men’s side and now Karen on the women’s, its overkill.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: More Karen Jarrett & Fortune Promo

Well, at least Karen got set up 3 women’s matches to qualify for a BFG 4 way. I dig that.

All the members of Fortune putting over Bobby Roode were nice. Even Daniels hinting at his turn while doing so was ok. It felt like a real celebration for Roode. I would have liked to hear Roode himself talk about BFG. Passionate, emotional challengers always get me excited and we got shorted of that from Roode. Angle being the crafty, cunning veteran that tries to split Fortune makes sense. I have a question though. How is it though that EVERYBODY seems to get to book matches? Sting makes matches. Bischoff & Hogan make matches. Phone calls from networks make matches, and now Kurt Angle does. I stopped trying to figure out who’s in charge a long time ago.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: Queens Qualifier Match: Angelina Love v. Velvet Sky
Match Result: Velvet Sky via pinfall
Match Length: About 6 minutes (wrapped around commercials)

Let’s just start with the fact I think a match that has Velvet Sky just doing jumping jacks for 2 minutes is an automatic 3 star match. I kid, but yea, she’s HOT. There was nothing really remarkable here (Nobody tell Gunner I said that). There was a lot of punch, kick, choke, etc. Velvet wins, so I’m tempted to say that makes the match was perfect. It was average.

I LOVED AJ verbally kicking Jeff Hardy’s ass backstage. It was sincere and every word of it true to life. The shame is, it won’t end with Jeff’s verbal beat down. He is really going to wrestle again.

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: Crimson via satellite + Joe v. Morgan Submission match
Match Result: Samoa Joe via submission
Match Length: About 5 minutes

I think Crimson in the ring is improving. There’s a lot of potential for him. The satellite bit proved to me however, he has NO business by a microphone. That was bad. Ok, I have a pet Peeve here too. I rarely understand the point of PPV match and then next tv show to have the rematch. It devalues the match everyone just paid for. That said, the in ring work was fine. They utilized the stipulation well. Joe really needed the win too. After killing ½ the BFG Series field, losing twice in a week would have killed his momentum.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: Angle pumps up Kaz & Devon chews Hardy’s ass
Match Result:
Match Length:

The evening’s filler segment. I liked Angle trying to cheerlead Kazarian. It’s well played heelishness. As for the Devon/Hardy interaction, it wasn’t nearly as entertaining as AJs. I want one of these guys to just drop Hardy with a hard right hook.

Rating: 3.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: Kazarian v. Bobby Roode
Match Result: Bobby Roode via submission
Match Length: About 7 minutes

Kazarian was off a bit tonight. I’m a fan and he brings it, but a lot of moves were just a half step off in the beginning of the match. Dead crowds don’t help, and they never got into the match either. It was a fine match. I expect better from these 2 men though. That says a lot about what they usually do in the ring. Their average match is still by far the best thing I’ve seen on IMPACT tonight.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

SEGMENT EIGHT: Sting v. Flair
Match Result: Sting via submission
Match Length: About 14 minutes including introductions

I do love the special introductions for the main event. In other news, tonight’s main event, unlike last week, is actually the main event. It’s comical to hear “Flair floats over” as he lumbers to flounder into the front face lock. I don’t understand either how you have theme music in a run in. How did the sound guy know Anderson was coming down? Anyway, I can say these 2 put on as good a match as they were capable of, even doing a suplex off the top rope. They also accomplished everything I hoped for in the match. There were no broken hips and Flair DIDN’T bleed like a stuck pig. It was hurt by the run in shenanigans and the fact their combined age is older than dirt.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

FINAL THOUGHTS

Segment of the Night: Kazarian v. Bobby Roode

Trash Segment of the Night: Filler segment garbage

Final Analysis: I had not been enjoying IMPACT leading into No Surrender. I think tonight’s show was a step in the right direction. The build for BFG needs to be a big deal and they started that tonight. I still would have really liked it to be Roode’s story more and less about his stable mates. A 20 second backstage segment for your heavyweight title number one contender felt weak, but there’s still time before BFG so I will stop complaining. The 8 person tag was ok and Joe finally wins on tv. Honestly, I thought it was a solid show.

Verdict: 6.5

411 RATINGS SCALE:
0 – 0.9: Torture
1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 – 2.9: Very Bad
3 – 3.9: Bad
4 – 4.9: Poor
5 – 5.9: Not So Good
6 – 6.9: Average
7 – 7.9: Good
8 – 8.9: Very Good
9 – 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect